The Villain's Succulent New Fate
by Amusing Innocence
Summary: Dearest Underling wakes up hungover, and finds herself in a strange new world...


The morning sun cast its intruding glow through the hotel room's brown window shades, stirring the purplish-gray-skinned girl from her lackluster slumber. It was more of a mercy killing than anything else; long restful nights didn't come often to Linda, former Underling of ASIC.

Oh, but why did the planet's key star have to be so bright, especially as the devious woman nursed a throbbing headache? Worse yet, the rest of the sky was blanketed by crisp clouds a similar color to her non-human complexion, surrounding the ball of fire like a naval fleet bordering the enemy's landmass. As such, the gleaming ray was almost strengthened upon the resting lass's face; a magnifying glass focusing a beam of death on unsuspecting ants.

Linda's eyelids tightened—one last vestige of rebellion—before she knew it was time to give up the ghost and greet the day with a... smile. "Crap... Dammit, just wanted a few more minutes, but whatever," she groaned, rolling onto her back before blinking the crust over her eyes away. "Damn headache... The hell did I do last night?" It was taking more energy than usual to sit up, that much was for certain. Something substantial must've certainly happened the evening prior, but what? She had to remember...

However, as the girl tried to recall just what was ailing her throbbing temple, she realized that... well, she had not a clue. No memory was filed away in her temporal cabinets; no snapshots to download from her mental storage space. A complete haze of not only the night, but the entire day as well. Maybe longer?

"Well, that's not good," Underling mused, her right eye wincing from the strain above it. "Okay, gotta go back and remember what the frick I was doi—" But before she could finish that simple logical thought, the sheets of the hotel bed shifted. No, scratch that; the MATTRESS shifted! The cushiony rectangle compressed under a weight other than the villain's! To her exact left, to be precise.

Linda was not alone.

Turning her head slower than a game with an exceptionally-stubborn camera, the gray-skinned girl kept entirely silent, fearing just what she'd see when her eyes made contact with whatever was sharing this intimate space with her. Crap, but right as her neck was on the cusp of twisting the required ninety degrees, she pressed her lids closed again! "M-Maybe I don't... wanna see what's her—?!" Gah, AGAIN with the interruptions! Only this time, instead of a nearby presence making itself known, the sensation was much more... direct, for Linda's bare left leg suddenly felt a rugged and COLD visitor rest upon it! "C-Crap?! What the?!"

"Hmm...? Linda...? What... mmm, what is wrong?" A cool and commanding voice launched out into the room, further freezing the confused woman in place. An unmistakable voice... though more groggy than usual. More... relaxed as well? "Why are you speaking so loudly this early in the morning?"

Underling kept her eyes shut, her pulsating forehead twisting the words into weapons of sheer devastation against her brain. However, once feeling came back to her shocked nerves, she managed to find the tiniest bit of solace in who was addressing her. She still felt immensely confused, yes, but the answer could have been so much more worse.

"... C-CFW Magic, Ma'am?"

"Why so formal, Linda?" A... chuckle? "Is that any way to address your new wife? My, I certainly missed THAT in the brochure."

New... wife? "Huh, h-hehe, sorry, guess not," Underling stuttered, already feeling like she was about to start babbling like a meek idiot. She really needed to stop acting shy around her superior; they've known each other for YEARS now, and— "W-Wait, new WIFE?!" Ah, it finally caught up to her.

The ASIC leader cocked a somewhat-wary left eyebrow as she sat up, holding the sheets to her chest to prevent this fic from achieving an M-rating. "My my, Linda, the tone you are using seems to indicate that... you are being sincere. Are you practicing for that acting gig again? Sounding better every day, my Dear; I'm sure you'll pass the audition next time."

"'M-My Dear?' 'Acting?' N-No! CFW M-Magic, Ma'am, wh-what the hel—"

"Really going at it today, are we? Heh heh... You are so adorable, Linda. Always were the—" A light-pink fingernail tickled Underling's chin, eliciting a "Gee, I really have no clue what's going on here, but I suspiciously kinda like it" expression from the baffled girl. "—*delectable* one, hmmhmm."

This situation was... well, far beyond getting weird, and Linda's foggy brain wasn't clearing up fast enough. Obviously, this intoxicating finger was just making the mental visibility worse. "M-Ma'am, wh-what the hell happened last night? N-No, more than that, wh-what the hell are ya tal—" Rule of three; in that singular instance, an obnoxious ring further assaulted the ASIC grunt's strained soul. A rudimentary rotary phone? In some unknown hotel? This would all be sounding like a bad joke, if her ears weren't throbbing too hard to hear the humor of it all.

"Let me get that," Magic said, her tone far-too blank and relaxed to be the villainous mastermind Underling knew and stalke— er, adored. However, before the green-haired tomboy could protest in any way, the deed was already done and her boss had the handset set up against her ear. "Hello, to whom am I speaking?" A momentary silence, then a head nod. Then another. Another?! "Yes... Yes... Why, perfect timing; dearest Linda has just woken up! She'd be happy to commit straight away."

Dear lord, what does THAT imply? "Er, Ma'am, wh-who's that?" Linda questioned, slowly feeling herself back away out of pure survival instinct. Her ears flicked hither and thither, like a cat servan being hunted by a near-nude babe with a demon sword. She could already tell, things were about to go down. Hard. "H-Haha, wh-what do those telemarketers want this time?"

Magic simply grinned, the look twisting her generally-stoic face into something most unsettling. "That was Cave. She's on her way up to... negotiate terms with you, as you yourself scheduled yesterday. I trust you remember?"

"Scheduled?! Negotiate the frack?! Cave?! That red-haired bimbo who doesn't wear pants?!" Linda stopped for a second, finding her commander's discarded 'swimsuit-esque' attire on the carpet besides the bed. "Er, no offense!"

"Heh heh, my trust was unfounded. Yes, Linda, if you've truly forgotten, then I'd better remind your delicious little head about the specifics." Underling was beginning to suspect that her "Ma'am" was excruciatingly hungry. "Cave wishes to form a truce between her group and yours. Well, OURS now, my dearly beloved."

Green hair dropped past the confused girl's shoulders as her neck tilted. Stunningly, she managed to brush off the 'dearly beloved' line without her face melting into goop. It's the small victories. "Uh, crap, what are these 'groups' now? And why the hell would I ever talk to one of the CPUs' grunts?"

"Why would you ever talk to one of their grunts?! Dearest Linda, don't you remember anything? Two CPUs are already in your harem!"

There it was: the ultimate bombshell that'd spell the end of the war. Only, like most alleged great wars, it truly ended nothing; only incited more confusion and problematic situations. And horribly-pretentious 'war is hell' games. "HAREM?! Wh-What?!"

"Indeed; you started your all-girl harem more than, hmm, two months ago now I believe. You began with your best friend and made her your first wife, and from there, you've been conquering Gamindustri faster than even ASIC could've ever hoped. Most of Planeptune joined you without much hesitation, and Lowee was a grand endeavor; your 'victory' over Lady White Heart is what gave me confidence to allow myself to fall in love with you. Made me decide to give being an actual human a chance."

Conquered Planeptune and Lowee?! 'Give being an actual human a chance?!' "I-Is that how it works?! N-No, you're bull-crappin' me; yankin' my chain! A harem, with THOSE bitches?! No way, ya got the wrong chick! And best friend?! YOU are my only... friend, Ma'am. I-I don't need any fri—"

The hotel room's door slammed with grand intensity as a boot kicked the entrance barrier wide open and into the wall. That's sure to leave a dent. The second the newcomer's feet trudged onto the carpet, our fantastic Underling winced; she didn't even have to look to know whose voice she was about to hear.

"My fair l-love-muffin! N-No, wait, let me try that again!" Nisa, Gamindustri's heroine of justice, blurted before rubbing the back of her blue scalp, embarrassed. "U-Um, baaaaaaaaay...by? Daw, I am still in need of 'terms of endearment normalization' training sessions; my deepest apologies, my love!"

"... I married Flatty. Two. Months. Ago...? Man, this is some crummy hangover..."

CFW Magic (Ma'am) looked as pleased as an ant invading a picnic basket. Hopefully they avoid that magnifying glass. "Nisa dear, please refrain from smashing our doors in. That's the fourth one this week." Why's she look so happy while saying that? We're still using 3D models in our cutscenes, aren't we? Eh, there's a charm to 'em.

An honorable bow... of honor. "S-Sorry! However, I come with news most urgent: Cave's harem is here already, and... she's brought WAY more people than you two agreed upon, 'Under-Linda!' If I wasn't so trusting, I'd believe she was planning to ambush us!"

"Cave's harem?" Linda grumbled, clutching her now-palpitating forehead. "Yeah, Magic said somethin' about our 'groups' forming a truce... I really don't see that basket-case havin' a harem." Granted, Linda couldn't see HERSELF "havin'" a harem either. However, as a wise man once (or twice) said: just 'cause you got eyes doesn't mean you can always see.

Nisa was caught off-guard with her wife's peculiar response, and looked to the CFW leader for ironic assistance. Magic gladly piped in. "Linda is having one of her 'temporarily mentally-unstable' hangover episodes. She'll be back to normal in no time."

"A-Ah, I see! W-Well, I shall help you however I can, my love! Your heart of justice, as hidden as it may be at times, has seized my soul like nothing ever has before!" W-Woah, Underling felt herself shrinking as her flat-chested "friend" clumsily-and-abruptly began her declaration of sheer affection! "Your peculiarly-toned skin and atypically-shaped ears, giving you the visage of an entity most certainly not human, yet JUST as captivating; the way your ruby eyes sparkle in the light of the moon, even in broad daylight; that flowing, scrumptious off-green hair!" God, is she hungry too? "My word, 'Under-Linda': that green hair of yours is... is... MMM, I desire it so! 'Tis the only green hair I'll ever need! My green-haired goddess!"

"F-Flatt—"

"Haha, it appears I've finally found you, Underling!"

A new(er) voice rang out, and the hungover villain sadly recognized this one immediately too: Lady Green Heart, goddess of Leanbox. HDD form as well, interestingly enough. Wonderful, so she married Ms. Titty-Twister as well?! Well, at least she couldn't kick the door open, since it was still embedded into the wall. "... So, when'd I marry y—"

... Wait, what exposition did Magic Ma'am give? Shutting herself up, Linda gave this consideration some decent gray matter devotion. So she married Nisa, 'subjugated' Planeptune's women, and 'conquered' at least Lowee's CPU... and oh crap, Leanbox wasn't any part of that! Also, that's the frickin' nation Cave's from!

"... Crap on a stick."

Nisa's eyes widened the second she registered that the enemy had breached the hotel's defenses. "L-Linda, ru—" But it was too late for poor Nisa; before she could finish her words of dire warning, lips from a literal green-haired goddess planted themselves on her own... and she became lost in a smothering smooch from a dame of another harem. Her eyes slowly closed as she lost herself in the abyss of sheer sensual sapphic self-indulgent seduction.

A war declaration if ever there was one.

As one blue-haired lass fell, another burst through the window like a black ops agent. The girl brandished a guitar and aimed the front of the weaponized instrument for the mattress, pick in hand and ready to fire soothing beats matching the equivalent of fifty consumed aphrodisiacs. Underling, helpless from shock, felt cool hands on her back pushing her off the bed and towards the open door. Yep, right past the kissing duo who were on complete opposite sides of the chest spectrum. 'Twas the nude CFW Magic attempting to save the woman she also loved! "Linda, you must escape! Worry not about us; we'll... hold the line as long as we can!" At that, the musician, 5pb., lunged from her feet and crashed into the ASIC leader, wasting no time in lodging her tongue down the enemy's throat. Magic's eyes rolled into the back of her head; a tongue in her oral cavity was her weakness... for those of you who are interested in those trivial tidbits.

"M-MAGIC!" Linda screamed, extending a hand out in desperation for her friend... but she only got further away from her idol; her feet knew it was time to book it out of this room and flee the immediate area, even if her head hadn't yet caught up. "D-Dammit... I-I'll make it outta here, for you two! Th-This I promise!"

The red-eyed grunt sprinted down the halls, fearing the worst at how quiet everything had become. Closed doors on one side, closed on another... Geez, someone could be lurking behind any ONE of them! Hell, behind any large flower pot, too! NOWHERE was safe!

Oh well, if she ran fast enough, any potential ambushers would completely miss her, right?! Forward, forward, forward, screeeeeeeech! Dead end down that way, so... left, yeah! She turned down one path, then another, until finally—

"There you are, Underling! So, seems my darling Vert couldn't handle you, eh? Well, then I'll just present your ring finger to Cave myself and impress 'em both!"

Lady freakin' Chika, oracle of Leanbox. This day gets worse and worse. More greenette-on-greenette action coming up.

The harem-amnesiatic woman sighed. "Creepy; you wanna cut my finger off and give it to your girlfriend?"

"Cut of your finger? Ew, no; Cavey just wants to finally assimilate your harem into ours, so we gotta put a ring on all your fingers! We're not savages, geez."

"W-Well, great, you can have mine! I-I don't want a stinkin' harem, like, at all!"

"Haha, not falling for THAT one again! Sexy babe guards, capture her! Smooch powers, activate! Yip Yip!"

"Snap!" From every door in the surrounding enclosed corridors burst a multitude of Leanbox female warriors, dressed in outfits too skimpy to be considered clothing. Hell, to even be considered a stripper's attire.

N-No escape! L-Linda was done for! So many women, how could she possible escape?! With her perceived chastity in tact, in any case...

All seemed to be lost... until a new surprising voice came from the hall just right of the current intersection. "Everyone, may I have your attention, please? Grand Harem-Master Cave would like to inform you all that... Lady Chika has yet to have her first kiss! You all remember the scientific studies Miss Blossom has made, correct? About how not kissing a beautiful woman for so long will make your head explode? Please, protect Chika's life at once!"

The fu—... WHAT?! Murmurs of perplexion filled the hall, with the multitude of stunning soldiers trading shocked exclamations. Linda could only stand still, hoping the antagonistic throng operated like a T-Rex and couldn't see things that weren't moving. Is that how T-Rexes worked? Bah, Linda couldn't even remember if Gamindustri HAD dinosaurs!

What would their response ultimately be? Eyes journeyed from Linda, over to the appalled Chika, back to Linders, back to Chiks, back to Lindy-Lindy-Name's-Not-Cindy, back to Chikan on a Train, back to Under(the Boardwalk)ling, back to— "L-Lady Chika, h-hang in there! We won't let your head explode!" Just like that, the girls dropped their fighting stances... and puckered up like fishes. "Come to Mama!" Yeah, hear that line, but an additional 99 voices saying it at once.

Now, Chika was many things... but a superwoman capable of holding off amorous hormone-flowing lustful harem guardians, she was not. The flood of babes was far too much to hold off, and she immediately lost sight of her goal to apprehend Cave's ultimate rival. "H-Hey, y-you idiots, stop it! I-I have SO smooched a girl before! S-Stop, g-get away! N-No, don't put your hand there... W-Wah, that is NOT your hand!"

Underling breathed a sigh of sweet tasty relief—great, now SHE'S sounding hungry!—before realizing that a mystery voice had just saved her hide from a fate most unpleasant. Yeah, I bet you wouldn't want to be swarmed by hot women. "Um, hey, who... uh, who and where are ya?"

Something small tugged on the possibly-stuporous villain's sleeves, causing her to yell as if she had just found a large millipede in her pants. Turning around with a face redder than blood spewing from the nape of a large titan's neck, Lindy-Tindy-Fofo-Mindy went as figuratively slack-jawed as one physically could when she saw her hero. "Greetings, Linda. I hope I am not too late. I wish to lead you to safety, away from this ordeal."

"You... You're Planeptune's oracle, right? Why are you, uh, y'know...? Crap, what the hell's goin' on today?! Man, I've never been so confused in my entire freakin' life!"

Histoire, the famous fairy of the tome, struggled to think of something helpful to say, so instead started off by patting the girl's shoulders with her tiny palms. "I know this must be quite mystifying Linda, but I will do my best to put your mind at ease. Follow me; I know of a safe haven where you will be free from any and all assaults... and there, I can explain everything."

"... Why are you helpin' me? I tried to kill you guys so many times in the past, geez... Are we married, too?"

"Specifics of our... relationship status is unimportant at the moment; I simply wish to help out those in need. Protecting you from Cave is in everyone's best interests." Well, not Cave's, but that's missing the point.

Linda had no idea what to say; the kindness this chick exuded was... well, refreshing, to say the least. It touched a small part of the villain's hardened heart, that's for sure. She could offer no answer other than a trusting nod of the head, agreeing to follow the tome fairy to the ends of the earth if need be. Anything to escape the hell inside this hotel.

In turn, Histoire smiled pleasantly at the quick acceptance of her aid, and instantly went about to scouting the suitable escape route. "There is a side entrance down this way, Linda. Cave has neglected to post sentries there."

"O-Okay, sounds awesome! Let's jet, pronto!" And jet, pronto, they did! The two ran (well, one hovered) for the side entrance, and sure enough, no resistance stood in their way! It was a miracle of epic Gamindustrian proportion!

The prodding sun greeted Linda's face as it had done no more than mere minutes ago, back when the world seemed a thousand times simpler than it did now. The clouds looked to be parting soon; the ordeal both in the sky AND the ground seemed to be breaking up!

Relieved at breathing in crisp outside air again, Underling unleashed a few nervous chuckles, not caring if she came across as a total geek to the fairy. "H-Haha, ha! So, where's that safe haven, Booky? Close by, right?"

Only, the tome fairy now had her small back to the harem hero, and fell awfully silent. Is she... catching her breath, or...?

"Yo, Booky, I'm talkin' to ya! Oh, um... and, ah, thanks for gettin' me out of that mess... Um, yeah, don't make me say 'thanks' again, alrig—"

"Linda, I have been alive in this world for a long time," Histy eeped out, still turned away. "I have seen history unfold before my very eyes... and I have even more knowledge of the universe flowing within these pages below me. However, even *I* do not come close to knowing everything."

A sense of dread bubbled in the rugged greenette's stomach. Her hopeful demeanor felt like it was about to leap off a cliff. A tall cliff. "Uh, okay? And?"

"... After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that there are two things I want most in this world: I deeply desire to make, as the kids call it, 'sweet sweaty savage love' to Mina..." The tiny gal paused for a second to twist her upper torso around and eye the now-inching-away villain directly. "... and the second is to finally fully realize my obligations as your wife. I am not experienced with the sensation of love... but with you, Linda, I am willing to take that first step. I am sorry to have taken so long, but now I wish to make up for lost time! Before Cave's harem inevitably consumes us both; it is futile to resist! So, before that is to happen, let's..." The girl, smiling hesitantly, literally froze in mid-thought. After three seconds, she looked down at the page she was floating over, flicked the book twice, and scanned the new page's contents. Ah, there! "... yes, this sounds good: 'let us make like video game console add-ons and needlessly mash our intimate ports together!'"

Today sure was a day of firsts for the harem leader, and now she could add "Histoire's smoochy kissy-kissy" face to the list. Also to the list of sights she never wanted to see again. "S-Shih Tzu! N-Not you too! G-Gotta get out of here!" Before the girl could float her way to Underling's desirable lips, said target was already blasting down the street! Black buildings passed her by as she sprinted, clueing her in on her location. Lastation? Hmm, and taking into account the Leanbox invasion, it may just be the southern-most city of Lastation, too! Come on, why was she in LASTATION?! What, was Noire her next wifey target?!

Where next, where nex— "Iffy, I found her!"

"Nice catch, Comps! Yo, Underling, hold up a sec!"

Oh crap, these two! Lady Purple Heart's closest friends! Judging by the rings on their fingers, they too must already be Linda's wives! What did they want now? Are they going to help, or turn out like Histoire did?

The brunette, IF, was the one to get close first. "Underling... Alright, I'm gonna just cut to the chase and say it: you need to join Cave's harem."

Compa nodded as well. "Yep yep! Sure, Iffy just wants to kiss Lyrica and Vert all day, but I do think that both harems joining forces will benefit Gamindustri completely!"

"H-Hey, y-you can't just say something like that and get away with it, Comps!"

"Ooh, I'm sooooo scared, Iffy! What are you going to do, kiss ME?!"

"Bah! I... Huh, wait, that actually sounds like a good idea... Come here, Compa!"

"I-Iffy?! W-Wait!"

Quick, while they're distracted! "See ya, spit-swappin' scumbags!" Linda, wasting no time, recognized the opportunity and dashed straight outta there! She was finally channeling the Linda of old; the one who had grown to be an expert runner back in the days of warding off all these skanks who were trying to end ASIC!... Uh, sure, they DID end up winning eventually, b-but her constant fleeing shenanigans sure made things quite inconvenient for them!

A-Anyway, now that the complete and utter shock of the strange new world she had woken up in was finally melting off into simple tired apathy, there was nothing holding the self-proclaimed bad babe back from hurrying down the streets with zero abandon. Try and catch her now, harem freaks! No one could EVER catch Underling! No ONE, HAHA!

... Hmm? Oh, that's it? No hot chick showing up from the ether in search to claim her body? No 'wives' looking to rub that fact in her ruby-eyed face?

"No one's here... Wow, haha, for once, no interruptio—" SCHIIIIING! "Wha...?! Ooomph! C-Crap, the hell?!" First the air, then the pavement's palatable gravel. Okay, no one's THAT hungry.

But why had she collapsed? She hadn't been hit by a car or something, right? Growling as she shifted her lower extremities to make sure she hadn't scraped, twisted, or broken anything, Underling clawed at the dirty ground before her in an attempt to push herself back up... but her fingers made contact with something not rock, but plastic? A... yoyo?

"Excellent shot, RED. Now, regroup with Uzume and wait for my call; I shall endeavor to finish this personally."

"You got it! But I'mma find Iffy-poo first, 'kay? She's in a weeeeeeeeird state of mind, and I, like, can't waste this chance!"

"... Do as you will. You'll meet no resistance either way; this territory is ours."

Feet belonging to a short-statured girl clacked away, and Linda felt an ominous presence inch closer to her backside. No doubt about it, this next challenger... was destined to be the worst one yet. Oh well, at least she was just standing there, allowing the hoodie-enthusiast to stand back up and retain at least some dignity.

Should she turn around? God, how she missed the uncertainty of the 'mystery guest' sharing her sleeping space! At least then, she didn't know things were gonna be THIS screwed up! "... Alright, ya got me. What the heck do ya want? You're the leader of these crazy broads, I presume? So that makes you..." Anoth— Oh, she deliberately broke off her sentence this time. Phew. No, instead of prolonging the unfunny running gag, our dearest (anti)heroine spun around like she were a professional disco backup dancer, coming face-to-face with the newfound bane of her shrouded existence. "Thought I recognized that voice... You're that Cave nuisance. Been a long time, eh? Heh, not long enough in my opinion."

Cave, Leanbox's star warrior of the SMD, was indeed this woman's identity, the cool-headed soldier standing tall with her back straight and firm; a military veteran if ever there was one. Red hair neatly contained in two pigtails; emerald eyes capable of seeing the entirety of the universe; revealing maid/nurse hybrid attire that somehow made her look more tough than fanservicey...

Cave was a specimen all her own. A soldier; a guardian; a stylish professional; a worthy opponent; a woman with the strength to match a goddess...

A... harem boss? The ULTIMATE harem boss?

The fair-skinned enigmatic lady frowned, her gaze piercing Underling like a knife wielding a knife. A knife's knife. "Hm? Long time, Linda? We convened just yesterday; you and I, discussing the future of our... way of life. What ails your recollection abilities? Have all your memories of me been consigned to oblivion?"

"Cut the crap!" the ASIC grunt snarled, crossing her arms once she realized she had no weapon to defend herself with. "I still have NO clue what this is all about, or why so many people think I married 'em or something, but... heh, whether I remember anything or not, I gather that whatever you and I talked about before is off, eh? You've been planning to backstab me all along!"

The pants-less bullet queen took a solitary step forward, her hips swaying far more than they needed to. "Backstab is a sordid word, Linda; I simply misled you, in the hopes that you'd lower your guard... which you did, entirely. It is your own fault if you truly believed that I wished for a civil truce between our rival factions. An alliance? HA! No, I have aspirations which run—" A gloved hand reached forward and, using its thumb and index finger, gently clasped Under(the bed)ling's chin. The girl tried to turn away, but Cave's grip was true. "—much deeper than that. I can not allow competition to thrive without my omniscient supervision. As such, ALL harems... must acknowledge my sovereignty. EMBRACE it!"

"G-Geez, but... why?! A-And why the hell are you even in this 'business' anyway?! Y-You're the chick who couldn't even tell I was dressed as your best friend once; you definitely don't seem like the type to ever start a... ugh, harem. Hate that word now."

"I will admit, I... used to hold no interest or even confidence to pursue... love, in any form. However, I discovered my true purpose in life when I met RED. She opened my eyes; showed me what power I held... and how I could use it to change the world. She gave me the confidence to take that first step... and I chose to leap instead. Lyrica and Chika were the first women I proclaimed my love too... and from there, any beautiful angel I saw, I'd court. Once I married RED, my mentor, I knew that nothing could ever stop me!"

Before even half of that horrifying narration had passed, the hooded villain had metaphorical icicles digging into her spine. This babe's intensity, and her stoic expression... Holy crap, what the hell was she dealing with here?! "Yikes, um... Dammit, if it means that much to ya, just take my harem then! I don't freakin' WANT one! Just let me go in exchange, or sumthin'..."

"But I desire more than just your harem, Linda; YOU are the grandest prize of them all. The gem I seek."

"Wh-Wha...?!"

"Besides, your harem is already mine; Lady Vert and Chika have reported successful claims on both CFW Magic and Nisa. I have their engagement rings already prepared; they become official members of my harem tonight."

N-No... NO! Magic and Nisa... lost?! They fell to the enemy, just to keep... Linda safe. Just for her.

And for what? Was her freedom from Cave's harem THAT important?! Was it worth it?!

The villain didn't feel guilt often... but this stung.

Oh, but the bad news wasn't done just yet! "Furthermore, my wives have also claimed the marital statuses of most your other key wives: Gust, Neptune, Blanc, Nepugia... In fact, Planeptune and Lowee will be entirely mine within the next hour or so! Histoire still eludes my sight... but she'll have nowhere to hide soon enough, this I guarantee. I believe K-Sha and Lady Noire reported seeing her in the area just a few minutes ago..."

"Y-You... monster!" As Cave sauntered ever so closer, Linda backed away, too frightened to move much faster. Her chin was still held hostage, and brilliant green eyes threatened to suck the life out of the confused dame's red ones. "J-Just let me go! I-I... Neh?!" Why can't she... fight... back?! Oh no... Oh no no no! This FEELING, bubbling up her throat; it wasn't fear! No, just the opposite; it was ATTRACTION!

Somehow, someway, the SMD warrior was exuding enough seductive energy to completely brainwash Underling's throbbing head!

Knowing she was gaining major ground, Cave allowed herself to laugh, though making sure not to devolve into cliche villain chortling. It's a slippery slope. "Linda, Linda, Linda... I can not say I am surprised, but your lack of fight still disappoints me! Oh well, I suppose you could simply be too thrilled at the prospect of being my loving wife to resist. Do not worry, I love all my angels equally; you will never experience a moment that isn't pure bliss. That is a promise, and I NEVER go back on my promises!"

"G-Gah! N-No... I-I won't... let... you...!"

Have to... keep fighting! Cave's lips were inching closer to Linda's agape ones... and dear lord, she had no strength left to stop the impending merge of verbal orifices! If this red-head kisses her, then it'd all be over! Linda knew she'd never be the same again; knew that, if life already seemed strange enough as it currently was, things would only get weirder!

But what was the true reason for her trepidation? Truthfully... Linda feared that she'd enjoy this kiss. She feared she'd LOVE this new life.

"G-Get... aw...ay..."

The pale seductress closed the gap, and poor Underling dropped her eyelids shut. From there, everything turned white...

* * *

White, white, hazy white, whiiiiiiiiiiite...

... No, blue? Everything's turning... blue?! Blue, yes, BLUE! BLUE!

* * *

"AH!" Cave gasped, releasing air she had built up from her deep slumber. The professional woman lay on her back in a soft warm mattress, staring up at the ceiling, with a cold sweat speckling her forehead like condensation on a car's windshield. Her exhalations could be seen, clear as a cigarette's smoke cloud, each time her jaw opened and her chest fell. Another cold night, and another horrible nightmare... Sheesh, that one was even more out-there than the last twenty!

As the red-haired dreamer recollected her breaths, something stirred in the spot beside her right shoulder... and out popped Lyrica's blue-haired head from a large blanket. "Cave? Cave, are you alright? Sounds like you were having an awful dream."

The bullet queen looked at her companion from the corner of her eye, smiling slightly but not at all convincingly. "Oh, I'm sorry to have... woken you, Lyrica. Yes, it was... another nightmare."

"ANOTHER one?!" hollered a third voice, and boom, there's Lady Chika to her left! "Geez, constant nightmares have to be a Bad End flag or something! What was it this time?"

Cave bit her bottom lip. "... I was Linda. You know, Underling."

"Underling? Really?"

"Yep. I woke up and discovered I apparently had a... harem I had no recollection of ever starting! But, that's not the scariest part."

Lyrica shivered a bit, before cowering against the red-haired girl's arm. Cuddling quite close, in fact. "I-It's not?! U-Uh oh, wh-what's the scariest part, then?"

"I had a harem... and I DIDN'T WANT ONE!"

At once, Chika and Lyrica gasped as if they had heard an offensive joke on the streets. The aghast oracle rapidly shook her skeptical head and offered her two cents first. "Didn't want one?! Holy cow, that IS scary; you LOVE your harem, Cavey!"

"Y-Yeah," 5pb. nodded, "I can't even imagine that!"

'Cavey' closed her eyes, reflecting on the peculiar scene her mind had just fabricated. "I know, I know... I love you all. I could never wish for any other life."

The mint-haired overseer of Leanbox now claimed her best friend's left arm, mirroring the clingy pop idol. "Well, dreams are dreams. I have stupid ones all the time, I guess! So, don't let it rattle ya, babe, and just try to forget it ever happened. Lock it away and BOOP! Blow up the safe with dynamite!"

"Don't go that far, Chika," the SMD warrior began, her soft smile concealing any true intent behind her words.

"H-Huh?"

"It was a terrible dream, yes... but it would be remiss of me to simply cast it aside without grasping something from it."

A cock of the pop idol's long-haired head marked her turn to voice her curiosity. "What do you mean?"

"It made me realize that the time has come to add Linda to our harem."

And as certain as the morning sun would once again shine its intruding glow down upon Gamindustri, the newly-awakened Cave's harem would grow, and grow, and grow. Such is the fate of the destined harem lord.

A succulent, juicy, mouth-watering fate.

... Yeah, before anything though, Cave really needed something to eat.


End file.
